Written by Jennifer @ 9:29 pm

The Smitten Kitten just received an invitation from the Lesbian Herstory Archives to help them raise money for their endowment. “The Lesbian Herstory Archives is the oldest and largest institution of its kind” and they’ve been collecting our stories and documenting our work for 35 years now. Joan Nestle, co-founder of The Archives, is a true hero and an inspiration to all of us who are dedicated to freedom of sexuality and gender expression for women. But more than that, she has helped me understand the value of my sexual life, my work and my community. The Lesbian Herstory Archives is essential in a culture and time that so offhandedly denigrates or worse, completely ignores women, women’s pleasure and women’s love not only for themselves but for other women.

The work of the Lesbian Herstory Archives is especially close to my heart. On October 11th 1998 I came out as bisexual to my parents. My sexuality is fluid and I am lesbian-identified, but those complexities were too much to get into over the phone with my folks. After the twitter in my stomach subsided from the coming out part of the conversation, my Dad said, “You know your Granny’s a lesbian right?” I can’t remember if that’s exactly how he said it but it is a close enough approximation that I think it still warrants quotation marks. My answer, “No.”
I had absolutely no idea that my Grandmother left her husband after about 25 years of marriage for a butch-as-fuck, rural route delivery truck driver who was likely born around the year Granny married Grandpa. Granny moved out, divorced Grandpa Pritchett and moved into a trailer in the country with her new beau Alice. They lived happily together for several years, she doing the “woman things” and Alice doing the “man things.” The relationship broke up after Alice decided to transition FTM.

The queer (for the record: Granny does not think of herself as a Lesbian. So as to not disrespect her by using the term AND to respect Alice’s transgender identity, I use the imperfect term “queer”) history in my family had been erased, essentially forgotten, covered-up… closeted until the “open sesame” moment I came out.

Learning about the queer history in my family was a gift I just stumbled into by virtue of my own coming out process. I gained a sense of belonging that inspired the strength and determination that it took to do the work that I’ve done since. The Lesbian Herstory Archives are a gift. The Archives’ “goal is to raise $1,000 from sex positive businesses who support the free expression of sexuality for all women that is in keeping with the mission…” Community empowerment is integral to the mission of The Smitten Kitten as is, of course, free expression of sexuality. A $1000 contribution is the least we can do and I thank The Archives for giving us the opportunity. Now, I hope they’ll take payment in installments!

Written by Jennifer @ 8:46 pm

I am a new mom who, like so many, is having a difficult time getting my sexy back with my new body, new responsibilities, and revised sense of self.  My hormones are dancing to a new tune, my boobs squirt out milk like a lawn sprinkler, and everything from my waist to my knees was born-again with my big-headed-son.  I realized that I needed some support and the camaraderie of other new parents.  Clare, The Smitten Kitten’s amazing Education Coordinator, kindly encouraged me to host a Sexy Mamas social group at The Smitten Kitten.  Our first meeting will be on Sunday, February 8th and in preparation and enthusiasm I posted it on a new message board in the Twin Cities called Moms Like Me.

I recently signed up for this message board and spent some thoughtful time creating my profile and then ventured out into the ether to e-meet other moms.  The Sexy Mama’s group was one of the first posts I made and I appropriately put it in the “Sex and Romance” section.   I suppose I should have expected this, but the first and only reply to my post was a note from another mother who said that she also works in the (sex toy) industry and  she commented about how even she would never bring her children into an adult store.  Meanwhile, I invited parents to bring children if they wanted because it is very important for new moms, especially those with nurslings or who are single parents who cannot rely on childcare, to be able to participate too.

For those of you who haven’t been to The Smitten Kitten (like this particular mom I found out later), it feels more like a friendly community center or a neighborhood coffee shop than what you would typically think of as an “adult” store.  To get a feel for the atmosphere, imagine an upscale boutique without any attitude plus complimentary tea and coffee.  Know too that we are not even considered an adult store legally.  Of course we sell “adult” materials, those print and video materials that you must be at least 18 years old to purchase, or even browse for that matter; however, those items comprise such a small percentage of our sales that you need not be 18 to enter.  For example, my favorite big box book store B&N sells adult magazines too, but likewise, you do not need to be a legal adult to enter the doors.  Similar to The Smitten Kitten, you simply must be 18 to buy that Hustler magazine or Blam Blam zine .

That’s the back story.  Because I want people to appreciate all of the hard work and grit it has taken to make Smitten Kitten what it is today and because all of us in the progressive, sex-positive movement hope that our work can be appreciated for its true value, I sent a private note in response essentially detailing everything I just said above.  I introduced our non-profit endeavor, the Coalition Against Toxic Toys, and personally invited her to the shop to judge us in-person.  Come to find out, the mom who posted to my event listing is an at-home-sex-toy-party sales representative for one of the most successful party companies.   She went on to tell me the following:

“Hi Jennifer!  Thanks for your note.  I can tell you what I know about badvibes.org, and I hope that I can do this from one businesswoman to another without it being taken as a negative. I’m very familiar with this organization.  I’ve heard about it from a few different people.  Unfortunately, it’s been used it as a negative against people like me and our businesses, claiming that we don’t know our products, and that we’re selling ‘dangerous’ items to people.  To me, this is not the way to present the message.  While it may be true that some consultants for some companies are not aware of the issue and/or may not be educated about it, this is most certainly not true of us…  However, I have to say that I take issue with anyone who presents the issue with such negativity against others.  In one specific instance, someone who was invited to a party of mine replied to the evite bashing my company for selling dangerous items, and mentioning badvibes.org, and that everyone should go to the Smitten Kitten for their sex toys.  I don’t know what her connection was to badvibes.org, but need I say, huge turnoff?  That was a major unprofessional move.”

My heart was absolutely broken.  The Smitten Kitten is among other things a feminist business and it is integral to our mission to support other women in business and in the industry.  We offer free consultations with folks who are trying to start progressive sex toy stores in their hometown and we teach workshops and network with at-home-party consultants who reach out to us for myriad reasons.  We teach Smart Consumer workshops at all of our local colleges and universities, women’s organizations and for the general public that help consumers learn how to be savvy shoppers at ANY adult store or home party scenario.  The Smitten Kitten does this outreach through The Coalition Against Toxic Toys.

The story she relayed to me, in the post I excerpted from above, is the furthest thing from our mission.  I wanted to cry reading it. What I find is most unfortunate about this situation, is that a rightly concerned pissed off sex toy user who had likely been jilted by the worst parts of this industry who knowingly sell toxic toys to make a profit, misplaced her rage at this individual consultant and not at the folks at the top of the toxic toy food chain.  Somehow this consultant got the impression that the sad interaction she had was in anyway affiliated with us.  Of course it was unprofessional- literally.  It was unprofessional because this person does not and never has been affiliated with The Smitten Kitten or CATT in any way.

So here’s the break down.  First, I need some new mom friends.  (e-mail me if you are one:  jennifer@smittenkittenonline.com) Second, The Smitten Kitten is family-friendly.  It’s your choice whether you want to bring your baby with you when you stop in- for any reason.  Third, The Smitten Kitten supports progressive, sex-positive women in business even if we are in the same business!

Fourth (this one gets its own paragraph), and make no mistake about this, I will hold you and your company responsible for knowingly selling toxic sex toys.  It’s time to stop.  The Smitten Kitten stuck our necks out and took a stand about this issue in 2003 when we first learned about the real dangers and we just had our best year of sales ever.  We haven’t been black-balled in the industry and while we’ve had to deal with at least one terroristic threat over it, we’re still here and every year there are more and more stores like ours who choose to sell the right things for the right reasons.  Every day there are more and more at-home-sex-toy-party sales people who are becoming educated and educating about safe toys at their parties.  And, every once in a while one of these sex-toy-party sales people challenges the company they represent and asks the real questions about why so much of their catalog is devoted to such total crap!

After further conversation with my new pen pal, I know that she is one of the people who are doing the right thing.  I am so encouraged by it and I hope she will take me up on my offer to partner with CATT and come into the store to judge for herself.  Maybe she’ll even come to my Sexy Mamas Sunday Mornings- with or without her kids!

Written by Jennifer @ 10:05 pm

1.  Stroker (Tantus Silicone): 
This is the first high-quality silicone bio-male masturbation sleeve available!  I can’t believe it took until 2008 for this to come to market.  It has some drawbacks.  Namely, it is difficult to hold on to especially if you have slippery hands and if you use lube, which you should with this product, you will.  It is also more delicate than most other silicone sex toys and must be handled carefully when cleaning to prevent ripping or tearing.  Despite these minor issues, I love the internal ridging created to simulate muscle contractions and the fact that it is crafted from hypoallergenic, hygienic, phthalate free, boilable, bleachable and non-toxic silicone.  Good work Tantus Silicone!

2.  Sliquid Organics Lubricants (Sliquid):
Coming in a close second in the Top 8 of 2008 is a three-for-one, a triad of organic lubricants from the careful and considerate folks at Sliquid.  All of these lubricants are latex safe, glycerine, paraben & petroleum free, latex and silicone friendly, vegan, and are formulated and produced in the USA. Sliquid Organics Natural is a basic, all-natural, all-purpose water-based lubricant.  In my opinion, this is a must try product for all of us who enjoy sex toys.  

Sliquid Organics Silk is perhaps my absolute favorite though.  I love the combination of organic water-based ingredients and a dash of dimethicone(a silicone lubricant) to smooth things out a bit.  This is perfect for those of you who generally prefer silicone lubricants but use quality silicone toys and as such must use water-based lubes to protect your investments.  Take a swing with this Silk and I think you’ll be very happy you tried it.

Finally, to round out the selection, Sliquid Organics released a Warming lubricant for those of us with exquisite tastes.   This formula is designed to “heighten sensitivity and provide a deep and pleasurable warming sensation during use.”  Nice way to start out 2009 if you ask me.

3.  LifeStyles SKYN (LifeStyles):  The world is lacking in viable non-latex condoms!  Thank you LifeStyles for helping remedy this situation!  SKYN condoms are “synthetic polyisoprene and do not contain natural rubber latex and are a suitable choice for people witha known or suspected allergy to natural rubber latex.”  These condoms are new on the market and like their latex counterparts are proven protection against pregnancy and help reduce the risk of transmission of HIV infection and many other sexually transmitted diseases.  While these have not been on the market a very long time and I do not have a lot of feedback about their performance in everyday action, I took a leap of faith here and named them number 3 on sheer potential in the Top 8 of 2008.

4.  Nexus G-Play (Nexus):  The G-Play line of  vibrators are expertly designed to be a unisex prostate or G-spot stimulators.  That fact, all by itself isn’t that remarkable, but what garnered it’s 4th place award is the fact that they are made of high-quality silicone, are available in an ultra-mini size, and run on basic AA batteries!  Here’s the deal, until now similar products by other manufacturers were either made of suspect materials or were powered by those stupid button cell batteries that drive nearly everyone to their breaking point.  Nexus did us all a favor with this functional, efficient, well-designed set of vibrators.  Kudos to Nexus. 

5.  Madison Young (Madison Young):  She’s the hero I mentioned in the title.  Here’s how she describes herself on her Facebook page: “I’m a San Francisco based bondage/ fetish model, adult performer, artist, gallerist,activist,published writer,rope slut,queer, and feminist.”  I met Madison in 2008 when she visited The Smitten Kitten to do an outstanding workshop about porn and feminism and it was one of the highlights of our year in events.  Her dedication to sexual freedom, authentic queer perspectives, artistic expression and feminism is an inspiration to me and I appreciate her soulful porn tremendously.  Get your hands on a copy of one of Madison’s Madison Bound Productions such as Perversions of Lesbian Lust vol. 1 or Writers & Rockstars just to name a few.

6.  Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide instructional DVD series (Vivid Ed):  With nine fantastic educational titles, I picked Tristan’s Expert Guide series as number 6 of the Top 8 of 2008.  Tristan is another one of my heroes for many reasons.  Not only is she a bad-ass, Smart Ass (Smart Ass Productions is her own adult production company!), she’s innovative in an adult  industry that is too often lacking in creativity.  For example, this Vivid-Ed series features the most reliable and explicit information about sex I have ever seen in an educational format.  This is real education for real life and I love it!  Another reason these made my Top 8 of 2008 list is because you will not only benefit from the information, but you will also enjoy each title with or without the instruction. Don’t think it’s some cheap editing trick either, Tristan made damn sure that these DVD’s stand alone in quality and sex appeal with our without the instruction turned on. 

7.  Alumina (Tantus):  This is my splurge pick for 2008.  This line of three luxury dildos are crafted from aeronautical anodized aluminum.  The organic, sensual designs include Motion, Revolve, and Flow and are each available in a satin magenta that totally pilots my plane.  If you are in the market for a very special gift, this is it.  Major anniversaries are commonly celebrated as the “gold” or the “silver” or the “diamond” anniversary.  Let’s do something different in 2009 and make up an ”anodized aluminum” anniversary.

8.  Executive Power Bullet:  “Executive” might be a little much here because there’s really nothing managerial about it except that it could help you manage your budget.  It might also supervise your orgasm.  I’m being ridiculous, but in all sincerity, this little number, at $15, is a steal.  The Executive Power Bullet is a cordless, mini-bullet that operates with standard size batteries and fits inside the circumference of the bases of our favorite Vixen Creations and Tantus Silicone vibes.  Keep it in your purse, in your desk, in your night stand and give one to a friend who you suspect has never had a vibrator.