Written by Jonesy @ 12:35 pm

If you had fur, what color would it be? Orange.

What is one reason why people should have sex somewhere other than their bed? It’s difficult to fall off of the floor.

Who is your favorite person in porn and why? Jada Fire cracks me up in Chemistry vol 3.  She’s vulnerable, honest and she’s fantastic at swearing during sex.  Evan Stone seems like a hilarious dork, too.  Any performer who understands the funny side of porn.

What is the most common question you get asked in the store? “What’s the difference between all these kinds of lubes?”

What is your favorite movie of all time? Shawn of the Dead.

What was the last song you listened to? The NYC PS22 version of Lady Gaga’s “Just Dance.”

What do you consider to be your top three sex toys at the moment? LELO Ina and Elise are my top recommendations, but I also love explaining to customers the technological wonder that is the Ohmibod Freestyle. It uses a wireless signal to vibrate in correspondence to the music on your ipod! How freaking rad is that?

If you didn’t sell sex toys, what would you do for a living? I’d just do my other jobs more.  Right now I’m making a living doing a lot of different things that I love.

What are your thoughts on Minneapolis? Just the right size for me… I wish we had a better supported indie arts community, but overall we’re a damn cool city with good politics.

Who is your celebrity sexception? Eli Roth.

Why do you like working at Smitten Kitten? I’m super proud of our store’s culture and atmosphere.

What does everyone who has sex need to know? If you want to do it, (whatever it happens to be), you’ve got to be able to talk about it.

What are you doing to change the world? I’d like to think that, through my customer interactions at our store, I’m encouraging people to have a healthy sense of humor about sex and the human body.

If you needed sex advice and you could ask anyone, who would you ask? Lt. Uhura.

If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life what would it be? Food!  See what I did there?

Who are your heroes? Mostly writers.

What is the best advice you ever gave? “Calm down. ”

What can’t you live without? My family. The internet.  Laughing.

Written by Jonesy @ 3:44 pm

“You know what the great thing about porn is?  Everyone’s a star.”  -B.J. Novak

While it’s true that almost everyone who performs in porn is known, at least semantically, as a porn star, anybody who’s watched a couple of pornographic movies knows that it’s not a genre of film dominated by A-list thespians.  Sure, a lot of performers have impressive, even virtuoso sexin’ skillz.  But it’s an exceptional porn performer who succeeds in entertaining an audience on top of titillating them.  In this ongoing series, I’d like to profile the porn actors and actresses who stand out from the rest of the naked, lubed-up crowd, tell you a little bit about why they rock and why they’re worth checking out.

Name: Steven St. Croix

DOB: February 24th, 1968

First thing you’ll notice: He looks a lot like Vincent D’Onofrio.  This, combined with his sense of humor and slightly above par acting skills, makes me really want someone to do a porn parody called  Law & Whore-der: Cocksucking Intent.  Also, I want to see a sex scene that ends with the *DUNG DUNG* noise.

The resemblance is clear.

What to watch him in: Tristan Taormino’s Chemistry vol. 3 is an awesome movie, period.  It’s like The Real World, but with less catty squabbling over who’s going to do the dishes, and more, you know, sex. The cast is comprised of porn stars who want to work together, and most of the movie is them either talking about their work or improvising sex scenes together.  St. Croix says some funny stuff in the interviews, but what’s really enjoyable to watch is how much everyone else digs working with him.

To find out why he’s apparently known as an awesome coworker and class clown around the porn industry, check out Pirates.  With a budget and production values on par with Mega-Shark vs. Giant Octopus (that’s a good thing in porn), a bunch of CG pirate skeleton ghost warriors (the only appearnce of them in porn, I hope), and jaw-droppingly bad “pirate grammar” falling out of everyone’s mouths, it’s already a treasure of a porn comedy.  But St. Croix’s performance as a sad sack ex-boyfriend is legitimately pretty funny.  Well, mostly the part where he curls up naked in a fetal position and cries after the sex scene.

In conclusion: He’s funny in Pirates, hot in Chemistry vol 3, and looks sort of like your bachelor uncle, John C. Reilly in Boogie Nights and a certain fictional cop with a genius IQ.  Due to some kind of sexy injury earlier in his career, his penis curves  at almost a 90 degree angle when erect.  It’s also reportedly insured for one million dollars by Lloyd’s of London.  For these reasons and more, Steven St. Croix truly is a Porn *Star*.

Written by Little Meow @ 10:38 pm

Meet the Kittens: Little Meow

If you had fur, what color would it be?

Pink and red and black with sparkles.

What is one reason why people should have sex somewhere other than their bed:

Excitement! Adventure! A good view of the stars.

Who is your favorite person in porn and why?

Anyone having safe sex. Cause it’s sexy.

What is the most common question you get asked in the store?

How do you turn this on/off?

What is your favorite movie of all time?

North by Northwest by Hitchcock

What was the last song you listened to?

Little Richard’s Lucille

What do you consider to be your top three sex toys at the moment?

The Layaspot I think this might be my new best friend.  It looks so unassuming, but does so so much. It’s fun to use with a partner.

The Wireless Waterproof Remote Egg Give the remote to your partner, go out in public and let the fun begin! Guaranteed to have you acting like you’re melting, and then you’ll want to run home to bed.

Bendy Beads Wow!  These look like a seahorse, and make you feel like you’re on a tropical island of pleasure.

If you didn’t sell sex toys, what would you do for a living?

I’d be a daguerreotypist traveling the 19th century in a gypsy wagon and collecting trinkets.

What are your thoughts on Minneapolis?

Best city ever! Great music, cheap(ish) rent, polka bars and plenty of biking. And we’ve got something a lot of places don’t: community. Everyone’s doing something, from collectives to skillshares to being in a band. I love it!

Who is your celebrity sexception?

I’ll take five for a wild time: Marlon Brando (when he was young in a dirty white t-shirt), Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham-Carter, Joaquin Phoenix and a young Bobby Dylan.

Why do you like working at Smitten Kitten?

I feel like I’m making the city a better place by helping people have more fun by themselves and with their partners. When someone walks out with an exciting new toy, I love knowing they’re about to have a great night, or afternoon, or morning!

What does everyone who has sex need to know?

Use tons of lube! Masturbate a lot so you know what you like.  Don’t be afraid to tell your partner what you want. And have fun with all the messiness, mishaps and noises. And if you have a vagina, pee after sex so you don’t get one of those annoying UTIs.

What are you doing to change the world?

I try to be really nice to people and genuine and send out good vibes and positive energy.

If you needed sex advice and you could ask anyone, who would you ask?

I’d take a poll of each and every member of the Smitten Kitten staff.

If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life what would it be?

Expensive sushi.

Who are your heroes?

Librarians, Julia Margaret Cameron, Isabella Stewart Gardner, Thor the Rock Warrior, whoever invents time travel, anyone doing things themselves

What is the best advice you ever gave?

Well, this advice was given to me: Never let your comfort level get in the way of going for what you want. Like, don’t not do something because it’s comfortable not to. Take risks and put yourself out there.

What can’t you live without?
Hula hoops, antiquated photo processes, astrology, my dog, fancy pants food, my bicycle, friends, polka music, eccentricity, giggling, brunch.

Written by Loon @ 7:49 pm

If you had fur, what color would it be?
Black–Simple, with an elegant sheen and a mischievous allure.

What is one reason why people should have sex somewhere other than their bed:
Humid afternoons in Minneapolis with no AC makes for uncomfortable bed-bumping. This is why movie theaters were invented…

Who is your favorite person in porn and why?
The pool boy standing awkwardly in the background while two subjects have a hot summer fuck.

What is the most common question you get asked in the store?
“What’s the difference between these lubes?”

What is your favorite movie of all time?
Breaking Waves or The Last Unicorn; one depressingly romantic, the other tragically whimsical.

What was the last song you listened to?
Islands in the Stream - Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers. Lest we not be fooled: this song rules.

What do you consider to be your top three sex toys at the moment?
The Laya Spot–Always a simple go-to for a quick afternoon delight.
The Curve–Intense G-spot stimulation if you’re willing to take your time
Lelo Luna (Kegal) Balls, or Fun Factory’s Smartballs–Fitness for pleasure, discreet and exciting tickles all while you cooly create a lunch for friends.

If you didn’t sell sex toys, what would you do for a living?
Live in a box outside of the Kitten.

What are your thoughts on Minneapolis?
If I could pick it up and move it to the sunny west coast in an attempt to avoid winter, I would…but I love my seasons too. Nothing compares to Minneapolis.

Who is your celebrity sexception?
Che Guevara. Good politics. Good looks. ‘Nuff said.

Why do you like working at Smitten Kitten?
Having amazing, radical conversations that are traditionally considered taboo in a space that frames sex as positive is fantastic.

What does everyone who has sex need to know?
Relax! Orgasms come easier if you lose the nerves and insecurities.

What are you doing to change the world?
Smashing imperialism.

If you needed sex advice and you could ask anyone, who would you ask?
My fellow kittens, of course.

If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life what would it be?
Yogurt and granola, with bananas and strawberries. Variety in one cup.

Who are your heroes?
Karl Marx and Duffy’s Pizza Makers.

What is the best advice you ever gave?
This is the best advice (well, kind of advice) I’ve ever heard that I am now giving  to you…
“…unless one lives and loves in the trenches, it is difficult to remember that the war against dehumanization is ceaseless.” -Audre Lorde

What can’t you live without?
Warm days by the river with Neil Young and friends.

Written by Captain Americat @ 11:44 pm

If you had fur, what color would it be?
Red, White, and Blue

What is one reason why people should have sex somewhere other than their bed:
Roommates

Who is your favorite person in porn and why?
Roxy Deville, I’m into her raunchy sense of humor and fondness for athletic socks.

What is the most common question you get asked in the store?
Do you work here?

What is your favorite movie of all time?
That movie with Partick Dempsey where he is a pizza delivery guy and gets to kick it to lots of hot rich ladies who order extra anchovies.

What was the last song you listened to?
DC comics and a chocolate milkshake by Art Brut

What do you consider to be your top three sex toys at the moment?
Clyde Harness by Outlaw Leather, Bandit by VixSkin and Gun Oil Water Based Lube

If you didn’t sell sex toys, what would you do for a living?
Deliver Sandwiches

What are your thoughts on Minneapolis?
Get crunk or die tryin’

Who is your celebrity sexception?
Patrick Swayze circa Roadhouse

Why do you like working at Smitten Kitten?
Talking about desire in a way which is productive and affirmative is empowering for all, employees included!

What does everyone who has sex need to know?
Goal oriented sex is a recipe for disapointment

What are you doing to change the world?
Being a boy/girl publicly

If you needed sex advice and you could ask anyone, who would you ask?
Patrick Swayze circa Roadhouse

If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life what would it be?
Slim Jims and Fountain Soda

Who are your heroes?
Wolverine, Captain America, Black Widow, Jenna Jameson

What is the best advice you ever gave?
Don’t get tattoos of girl’s names, or anything involving a jam band.

What can’t you live without?
Sunglasses!