Porn Star Round Up: Steven St. Croix

“You know what the great thing about porn is?  Everyone’s a star.”  -B.J. Novak

While it’s true that almost everyone who performs in porn is known, at least semantically, as a porn star, anybody who’s watched a couple of pornographic movies knows that it’s not a genre of film dominated by A-list thespians.  Sure, a lot of performers have impressive, even virtuoso sexin’ skillz.  But it’s an exceptional porn performer who succeeds in entertaining an audience on top of titillating them.  In this ongoing series, I’d like to profile the porn actors and actresses who stand out from the rest of the naked, lubed-up crowd, tell you a little bit about why they rock and why they’re worth checking out.

Name: Steven St. Croix

DOB: February 24th, 1968

First thing you’ll notice: He looks a lot like Vincent D’Onofrio.  This, combined with his sense of humor and slightly above par acting skills, makes me really want someone to do a porn parody called  Law & Whore-der: Cocksucking Intent.  Also, I want to see a sex scene that ends with the *DUNG DUNG* noise.

The resemblance is clear.

What to watch him in: Tristan Taormino’s Chemistry vol. 3 is an awesome movie, period.  It’s like The Real World, but with less catty squabbling over who’s going to do the dishes, and more, you know, sex. The cast is comprised of porn stars who want to work together, and most of the movie is them either talking about their work or improvising sex scenes together.  St. Croix says some funny stuff in the interviews, but what’s really enjoyable to watch is how much everyone else digs working with him.

To find out why he’s apparently known as an awesome coworker and class clown around the porn industry, check out Pirates.  With a budget and production values on par with Mega-Shark vs. Giant Octopus (that’s a good thing in porn), a bunch of CG pirate skeleton ghost warriors (the only appearnce of them in porn, I hope), and jaw-droppingly bad “pirate grammar” falling out of everyone’s mouths, it’s already a treasure of a porn comedy.  But St. Croix’s performance as a sad sack ex-boyfriend is legitimately pretty funny.  Well, mostly the part where he curls up naked in a fetal position and cries after the sex scene.

In conclusion: He’s funny in Pirates, hot in Chemistry vol 3, and looks sort of like your bachelor uncle, John C. Reilly in Boogie Nights and a certain fictional cop with a genius IQ.  Due to some kind of sexy injury earlier in his career, his penis curves  at almost a 90 degree angle when erect.  It’s also reportedly insured for one million dollars by Lloyd’s of London.  For these reasons and more, Steven St. Croix truly is a Porn *Star*.