My Purple Sandwich Baggie Dildo Changed My Life

Some sex toys are toxic. I know it.

My first encounter with this issue was a series of unfortunate ones with a purple, jelly dildo I bought from Good Vibrations when I was in college. I can’t remember how I first learned about Good Vibrations, but it was most likely from a reference in one of the books about lesbians that I discovered at my college’s LGBT center when I was first coming out. I can’t remember exactly, but I’m sure I spent part of that semester’s student loan disbursement and several hours poring through their online catalogue before I decided to click the “purchase” button. I waited in nervous anticipation for a week for the Brown truck to show up with my purple dildo.

I thought it was weird that it came floating in a sea of foam peanuts without any packaging but instead wrapped in a clear plastic sandwich baggie. I tried it out even though it smelled strange and I felt a little funny about it. It burned a little at first and then more later. I didn’t know why. I tried it again and again and it burned more and more. I used the same lubricant I always did. I cleaned it as per the photocopied instructions that I found amongst the peanuts and I got paranoid that I had some sort of vaginal infection. And then my purple, sandwich baggie dildo began to pit and get sticky despite my diligent reading, re-reading and careful execution of the care instructions. Finally, I threw it away with an awkward mash-up of failure, shame and disappointment.

That mash-up was internalized until, through the process of opening my own sex toy store, I learned what the real deal was with my purple sandwich baggie dildo. It was toxic. Now I have damn good reasons to believe that I bought a phthalate filled vinyl dildo that was not only a heinous waste of my time and my money, but was horrible for my body too. Some sex toys are toxic. My vagina told me not to trust that purple, sandwich baggie dildo but I didn’t listen. I listened to the bill of goods Good Vibrations sold me instead.

When my friends and I opened The Smitten Kitten in 2003, we modeled our starting inventory after Good Vibrations, a store formerly known as Toys In Babeland, and a store that has since been sold to Good Vibrations called Grand Opening. We meticulously planned and strategized about how to best spend our ten thousand dollars to buy our opening inventory. We took into account things like size, shape, function, cost, color, packaging, manufacturer and most importantly what our “sister stores” were selling too. We anxiously awaited the arrival of that same Brown truck.

No kidding, even the cardboard was sweating when the boxes arrived. Our first shipment of inventory arrived on one of the hottest days of the summer. Each of us opened a box right away and each of us discovered that our products were beading some sort of oily substance. The super slippery oil was leaching through the peanuts and soaking the boxes. It smelled like a headache - the kind of headache that hangs on even after getting fresh air and drinking water. We tried to wash a few of the vibrators, but they beaded again with the same oily substance.

The shipment was almost an entire loss. At first I didn’t connect the problems I had with the purple sandwich baggie dildo and the sweaty cardboard sex toys we had now. I didn’t make the connection because I was still under the impression that my problem had been with my vagina or my technique or something else but NOT the product itself. Knowing what I know now, that was really fucked up.

Now I know that phthalates feel and look like oil as they leach out of vinyl. Now I know that many “jelly” toys are made out of vinyl. Now I know that you can smell phthalates as they “off-gas” from plastics. Now I know that breathing phthalates will give you a headache. Now I know that phthalates can cause burning sensations when they come in contact with skin. Now I know that heat causes chemical reactions, like the off-gassing of the phthalates in those July-hot boxes, to happen faster. Now I know that the temperature inside my vagina was about 98 degrees, the same as the air temperature that summer day. Now I know that some phthalates have been associated with certain cancers in laboratory tests. Now I know that these same chemicals can wreak havoc with your hormones. Now I know that many of the sex toy manufacturers and stores I used to buy my sex toys from knew all of this before I did. Now I know it wasn’t my vagina. Now I know it wasn’t my technique. Now I know it was my purple, sandwich baggie dildo.

Do the research yourself! Don’t take my word for it! You might, like a lot of other sex toy users and folks in the sex toy industry, come to different conclusions. The guiding principle at The Smitten Kitten is: Unless I’d use it, I don’t sell it. That’s the conclusion I came to about how to run my business. More and more sex toy stores are coming to the same conclusion and more and more manufacturers are starting to take notice. Not only is it just the right thing to do, it’s good business.

There are several lessons to be learned here but if you take nothing else from this story please let it be: Trust your instincts and honor your body no matter what.